


You're Not Going to Lose me

by MultiFandom__Writer



Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: Cuddling, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Mention of Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 12:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16810609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFandom__Writer/pseuds/MultiFandom__Writer
Summary: Jaz has another nightmare and like most nights she can’t fall back asleep. She goes to the bench she used to share with her best friend alone, Adam soon joins her and asks her a question that has been itching at him since the moment it happened.





	You're Not Going to Lose me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic and I'm really excited to share it. I've been working on this for a while and am kinda proud of it. This is part of a little writing challenge I made where I post a fanfic every day until Christmas. Sorry for any and all grammar or spelling mistakes.  
> This is day 1.  
> Enjoy, L.

It’s late at night, 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning Jaz doesn’t really know. All she knows is that she can’t fall asleep. She spent the last two hours tossing and turning, trying everything to fall asleep but after the nightmare she had, it was unlikely for her fall back asleep that night. It’s not the first time she had that nightmare, no she’s had it dozens of times before. The image of her best friend with a bullet hole in his head is drilled into her brain. The image of his blood covering her hands is too vivid for her to ever forget, the way his body went limp in her arms as she dragged him away from the oncoming gunfire. How Adam had to drag her away from the body so McG could check him out but she knew he was gone. The second his body fell into hers, she knew he was gone. It was like she couldn't feel him anymore. All the life drained from his eyes when McG finished, she can’t get the image of having to close his eyes out of her head. Adam tried to get her to focus on the task at hand but she was in pure shock. He told her to stay put but it didn’t take to much convincing as she dropped next to his body. McG still tried to save him but there was no use, he was gone. She stayed with him until the team came back. Mission complete but she was incomplete without her best friend. It broke something inside her, his death took something from her that she’ll never get back.

  
After his death, that scene played in her head almost every night and she could rarely fall back asleep once she saw it. She soon came to accept the fact that she would go sometimes days without getting no more than two hours of sleep. Much like this night, Jaz gave up trying to fall asleep again (like most nights) and settled for a cup of hot chocolate, while she watched the night sky.

  
They used to do that when one of them couldn’t sleep they would go outside on a small bench, which they got after they got tired of the floor and would drink hot chocolate. Usually, they would just sit there, sometimes in each other's arms and other nights, they would just sit there with their finger loosely intertwined until they fell asleep.

  
After he lost him, she found being outside on a small bench helped her sleep more than a bed. It made her feel closer to him which helped her sleep more than two hours a night. The team has found her on numerous occasions sleeping on the bench where they used to catch the best friends cuddled up, now they catch a sleeping Jaz curled into a little ball nursing an empty mug. A mug that used to belong to her best friend. He would use that mug when they would sit outside and drink hot chocolate, all night sometimes. After his death Jaz would do the same, only now she would be alone and she would use his mug. The team soon learned never to touch that cup, Amir learned the hard way that it was now her cup.

  
After a few minutes of sitting staring at the stars, her mind started to wonder to her best friend. His big smile, the way he could never fail at putting a smile on her face. How he was one of two people that could read into all of her expression, actions and most of all eyes. How he… Jaz was taken away from her thoughts when she felt the bench dip and look over to see Adam. The only other person on this planet that could read her like an open book. Jaz jumped at a bit, not used to having someone sit with her again. Adam noticed, thinking he woke her.

  
“Sorry, were you sleeping,” he asked mentally scolding himself he should have known. That was the only reason she came out here but it felt like something was drawing him to come out and sit with her. None the less Adam was still ready to leave, he knew how much she needed sleep.

  
“No, I wasn’t,” she said silently hoping he would stay a while. Luckily for her, he did. Adam relaxed back into the bench, as Jaz brought her knees up to her chest.

  
They sat in silence like they usually did. To others that made things feel awkward and uncomfortable but just being next to each other was calming enough for the two. They didn’t have to express themselves with words. Kind of like what she would do with Elijah.

  
They were both thinking and they could see it through the others facial expression. Jaz went back to thinking of her best friend. Although he was always on her mind in some way shape or form, whether he be the main focus or just a thought at the back of her head. But there wasn’t a moment that went by that she didn’t think of him.

  
Adam could tell when he was the main focus, she would fiddle with her ring, a specific ring. The one that sat on her middle finger is the one he got for her, it rarely left her finger, only when it absolutely needed to be but even then, she would have it on her. She would keep it in her pocket or on a chain around her neck. It was just so she could always have a piece of him with her.

  
The reason it reminds her of him is that he got it for her for Christmas. He noticed her huge ring collection and wanted to be a part of it. So, when she is stress, needs reassurance or just wants to remember him she spins it around her finger and all is forgotten except for him of course. In some way thinking about him calms her.

  
Jaz started to spin it around her finger, as she thought about what they would be doing if he was still here (she did that a lot, more than she would like to admit) she knew exactly what they would be doing. She would be sitting here and he would be in Adam place, she then thought of how his face would light up when he had his morning coffee.

  
Jaz was now back where she started, simply thinking of him. How good he was with the kids. He would always play soccer with them, he never could say no to those kids same went for Jaz. Those kids and Jaz were his biggest and greatest weakness. They had him wrapped around their perfect fingers. If anything happened to them but more specifically Jaz, he would lose himself. Just like Jaz did after his death.

  
It made her really emotional to think of him again but like always she pushed those feelings down and fiddled with her ring. Was it healthy? No, and Jaz knew that but it was the only coping mechanism she had. The team knew this, most of all Adam. And at first, they tried to help but she didn’t like sharing her feeling it made her feel weak. She hated that feeling so she pushed it down and so far, it worked.

  
Adam, on the other hand, was on a totally different topic, their recent mission. More specifically a question that has been digging at him since she closed the helicopter door with herself on the wrong side. A million questions went through his head when he was her close the door. The biggest one being, why would she put herself in danger? Yeah, it what they did on a daily basis but never like this. Yes, she would anything and everything to keep her team safe and vis versa but this was just careless. He wanted to bring up how he couldn’t stand the thought of ever losing another teammate, losing her made it all the more worse.

  
It's just bringing things up wasn’t what the team did. They got the mission, got it done, then never spoke of it again but this time it was almost needed. He needed to know if this was a spur of the moment thing or if she would be this reckless again. Adam thinks he knows the answer but he needs… closure, if that the right word. He doesn’t really know. He’s never had to do this before. What Adam really needs to know is if everything is okay with the best sniper out there, if everything is okay with his sniper, his Jaz.  
He decided he was going to go for it.

  
“I have a question for you” he backed out and started to stall, he tended to do that around her. She does something to him that one he can’t get his finger on and two no one else can make him feel this way. That drives him absolutely insane. Mainly because he doesn’t know how she does it, how she can make him do almost anything. She the only person that has him wrapped around their finger.

  
But he didn’t get a real reply, Jaz just gave him a look and of course, he knew it meant ‘go on.’ Adam had memorized all her looks, half of the time they would communicate with just their eyes and after Elijah’s death, Adam became the person who knew her best and vis versa. They almost always knew what the other was thinking.

  
“Back in Ukraine, why didn’t you get in the helicopter?” he asked bluntly, he never intended on saying it like that it just came out.

  
Jaz knew the answer but hates expressing her feelings. The only person she truly felt comfortable expressing herself to was Elijah and he is gone. Yeah, she could tell Adam anything and she trusted him with her life. It's just different. Elijah knew everything about her. He knew the ups and downs and everything in between. He even knew the small crush she had on Adam. He never vocalized it but he could tell by the way her body would move differently around him and how he could make her pure red with just a few words. Adam knew these things too but to some extent. Those two men are/were the only people she truly and fully trusts.

  
She thought about lying to him to get out of this but he knew when she was lying. Jaz knew it too and part of her wanted to tell him. She wanted to get everything off her chest but it was hard for her. She’s spent so long pushing everything down, it had become a second nature to her. It was very unhealthy but it’s the only way she knows how to cope.

  
The safest way to get around him was to go somewhere in between.

  
“I don’t know” but she panicked and flat out lied to him, she didn’t meet his eyes and instead focused on her ring and started to twirl it around her finger. Jaz knew exactly why she did it but she didn’t want to seem… vulnerable.

  
The minute she opened her mouth he knew she was lying. Its simple, her eyes never met his and she always looked at him when she spoke. Usually, when she did this, he would leave her alone and let her push it down but something (he doesn’t know what) is pushing him toward her more than ever. He knew that pushing her too hard would make her shut down for a while but he just needed to know this so bad that he didn’t care anymore.

  
“Come on Jaz, I know when you’re lying and right now, you’re lying through your teeth” he placed a hand on her knee, silently letting her know whatever was going to be said wouldn’t go past this night. Jaz knew that whenever she told him something it would never go past him. It will always stay between the two and that’s when Jaz knew she was trapped.

  
Jaz groaned, all he had to do was give her this look and she was sold. It was something he shared with Elijah, they both had this look she could never turn away. It annoyed the hell out of her and the guys loved it.

  
“I just didn’t want to leave you… you guys” She corrected herself. This time it wasn’t a lie but wasn’t the full truth either. She doesn’t know how well she would handle losing another teammate it just wasn’t the only reason behind it. That’s what scared her most about the whole thing, there was more than one reason why she would throw her life away in the blink of an eye.

  
And it didn’t help that Adam still knew she didn't tell the whole story. She had this look on her face that told him there was way more to this story and it didn’t help that she once again won’t meet his eyes. Adam was now frustrated, he rolled his eyes and was ready to give up on the subject completely. He was about to stand and leave but Jaz’s small voice stopped him.

  
“I didn’t want what happened with Elijah to happen again” she started fiddling with her ring again. Adam didn’t fully understand, what happened Ukraine was nothing like what happened to Elijah. So, Jaz continued: “When I was standing there without you, I couldn’t stop thinking about Elijah and how helpless I was when I lost him. I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t do anything to save him. I had to watch him die in my arms. If I would have gotten on that helicopter, I would have left you to die. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything to help you. Just like Elijah. And I can’t stand the thought of losing another person I love. I’m not ready to go through that again.” She looked at him as a layer of tears formed in her eyes. When she stood outside of that helicopter, alone. Elijah’s death came crashing down on her like a ton of bricks.

  
She was supposed to go in first and they switched places. She had to drag his lifeless body away, then watch him die in her arms. She felt so helpless and she knew if she got on that helicopter it would happen all over again. She felt useless and she’d be damned if she stood by while she watched another one of the people she loves die. Jaz didn’t know if she could take losing Adam. Although she cares deeply for Preach and would be completely heartbroken if something happens to him and of course, she would take a bullet for him in an instance. She just couldn't put her finger on what made them so different.

  
If she could go back to the moment, she lost Elijah she would switch places with him in a second, no questions asked. And the same thing goes for Ukraine, if she had to do it all over again, she wouldn't do a thing differently. She already lost Elijah, losing Adam or any of the other guys would completely destroy her.

  
“You’re not going to lose me” he ignores the part about love, that would be a topic for later.

  
“That’s what he said hours before he died” he voiced cracked and it broke his heart. Seeing her like this all over again tore him apart. He thought of seeing her break over Elijah was hard but this was way harder, for the simple reason that he was causing her pain.

  
What she said about Elijah was true, hours before they left for the mission, they ended up on this bench once again but this time it was different. She had a nightmare about him dying, he had reassured her he’d be there to talk about her relationships, he promised to beat up all the guys that broke her heart, promised to walk her down the aisle if she got married and be there when her kids were born, he promised to be there for every birthday, every anniversary, every fight, and every first date. He promised he’d be around until they were both in retirement homes and he promised he’d only leave if she left but he never got a chance to keep all those promises.

  
“I promise, you’re going to be stuck with me a long time” he opened his arms for a hug and she accepted, closing the small space between them. She curled into his side, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning her tired head over his heart, (she used to fall asleep to the sound of Elijah heartbeat) as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

  
“I can’t lose you too” she let few tears trickle down her cheek and onto his chest. He could feel the tear seep through his shirt but he didn’t mind. He was super close to Jaz and that’s all that mattered to him.

  
Adam was the first-person Jaz opened up to about Elijah death. Yeah, she could always go to anyone the team, there was just something different about Adam that made him special to her. Of course, nothing close to what she had with Elijah but he was definitely a close second. If she lost Adam too, she would probably close herself off completely. She doesn’t have that kind of connection with anyone else. The guys mean the world to her, they're her guys but Adam is different. He always had been.

  
“And you’re not going to” he promised again and Jaz nodded her head, she knew he meant it. His tone of voice was the same way Elijah said it and she knew just like Elijah, Adam would do everything in his power to stay in her life.

  
It was the first time in four months that Jaz wasn’t alone on that bench. She would usually curl up into a little ball and would be woken up by one of the guys, usually to let her know its breakfast or sometimes she would be wide awake and would go back in once everyone else was in the kitchen. There were a few times she would fake sleep so the team wouldn’t suspect anything. When she did fall asleep, she somehow had a blanket on her when she woke up. It was the guys but she still doesn’t know who.

  
The guys started to notice Jaz outside and when one of them would wake up in the middle of the night they made it a routine to make sure she was covered up. They all did their fair share.

  
"The morning before he died, he told me all of these promises. He promised so many things and now he'll never get to keep those promises. He was the first person I ever considered family, I thought..." she was lost for words, the tear streaming from her eyes.

  
"I know, he always made sure you were taken care of," he thought back to the time that Elijah made him promise to take care of her if anything happened. He tried his best.

  
She wiped away her tears and laid her head on his shoulder. For the rest of the night or until Jaz fell asleep, Adam explained the constellations, telling her the legend and history behind each one. It really helped her fall asleep, she hasn’t had that happen since the last night she spent with Elijah. Although he knew nothing about stars, he still told her stories, usually about his childhood and sometimes about his missions before they met. None the less listening to other people voices (more so the people she loves) helps her fall asleep more than any bed could.

  
Adam wasn’t far behind, once he heard her breathing slow, and felt her tense body relax into his arms, her legs fell on to his, he knew she was sleeping. Although he had to look down at her sleeping frame just to make sure and even then, he started to stare.

  
She looked so cute, her hair fell onto her face, and her face was so relaxed. He found himself brushing the strand of hair out of her face and only then when he knew for sure she was asleep, he rested his head on her and fell asleep. They slept like that for the rest of the night. Adam knew he would probably be sore the next morning. Jaz has done this hundred of times before. Adam not once but he didn’t care, as long as Jaz got some actual sleep, he was okay with anything that came after. And truth be told it was the first time since his death that she fell asleep with one someone beside her and two she got more than four hours of sleep.

* * *

  
The next morning Preach got up to go on a run like he did every morning. Usually, when he saw Jaz sleeping on the bench, he would continue on like she wasn’t even there, he would sometimes do his stretches right in front of her and she didn’t mind. Half of the time she was too tired to protest anyways. But this morning when he walked outside, he almost jumped out of his skin. Preach had to do a double take, he swore he saw Elijah cuddling with Jaz. He can’t remember the last time she was with someone, although he wasn’t as surprised to see Adam with Jaz.

  
It was no secret they had a different kind of relationship, Preach was just the only one who actually paid attention to the cute looks and long stares they would share, the flustered body language and flushed cheeks, the cute laughs and inside jokes. The rest of the team just chooses to ignore the obvious signs.

  
When he saw them, more specifically her, he felt bad. He would hear Jaz up at four in the morning rustling around in the kitchen, the whole team did. It just became a regular thing they grew to ignore it. They never tried to tiptoe around her when she was outside, they knew that would only make her feel worse. This time though Preach thought it was necessary, he could tell just by looking at her that she actually got some sleep. She looked content, which is rarely associated with Jaz’s sleeping habits.

  
The dark circles that always seemed to find their way under her eyes, gone. No were to be found. She lost the look of stress that would generally cover her face. He knew that on the rare occasion (meaning never), Jaz got the full 8 hours of sleep let alone six. And even though she looked like she got a lot of sleep he could still tell she needs more, plus they looked really adorable and he didn’t want to ruin their moment or embarrass them. So, he snuck by the cute couple and did his stretches elsewhere, instead of risking waking them up with his movement.

  
When he got back an hour later, Preach wasn’t at all surprised to see the couple hadn’t moved an inch. The only shock was that the sun was rising and so was the temperature. Their sleep didn’t last much longer because as he walked back into the base, McG started to blast his music. He paid no attention to the couple outside, inevitably waking them up.

  
Adam was first, a little loopy and he didn’t really know where he was but then he looked down at the sleeping figure beside him and everything came back to him. She looked so beautiful, he stared at her, she looked so peaceful he didn’t want to wake her up. He knew this was probably the most sleep she’s gotten in weeks but McG’s music wasn’t helping as she started to stir in his arms.

  
He started to stare again, she looked adorable in the mornings, her hair slightly messed up and the look of confusion made his heart melt.

  
“Hey” he whispered as she started to take in her surroundings.

  
“Hi” she mumbled, her voice laced with a raspy tone, she wiped the rest of the sleep from her eyes and smiled when she looked up at him.

  
“Who’s got the music so loud?” she sat up again, realising she had her legs draped over his, she brought them back up to her chest but she stayed in his arms.

  
“McG, probably” he shrugged his shoulders.

  
“Right, dumb question” Jaz laughed at herself.

  
They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the sunrise. They both knew they should get inside before the team got any ideas.

  
“We should head inside” Adam offered first with a tint of sadness in his voice. He really didn’t want to leave the warmth of her body. They would totally stay like this all day. If given the opportunity, they totally would, without a second thought. But they knew the team and if they stayed out here much longer, they would start asking questions neither of them had answers to.

  
That did stop Jaz from speaking up, “Can we sit for a while longer, just until the sun is up?” she asked and gave him those eyes that are physically impossible for him to say no to. She had him wrapped around her perfect finger. With that look, she could make him do anything.

  
He didn’t give her a vocal answer but a slight nod of the head was all she really needed to settle back into his arms, relaxing once again. He tightens his grip on her and pulled her close, as they watched the sunrise in silence. And for a moment, just a moment, they didn’t have a care in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism always welcome.


End file.
